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Understanding a Shame Based Identity

onlinecounsellingcollege:

Shame is the deeply held belief that, at core, there is something wrong with me. So, no matter what I do, or how hard I try, I’ll never measure up and be good enough. Thus, I expect other people to reject me in the end, and deep down inside I reject myself.  

If I have a shame based identity, I am likely to battle with the following feelings:

  • Feeling like a fraud
  • Feeling like I have to cover up all the time
  • Fear of being exposed for who and what I truly am
  • Feeling powerless 
  • Feeling as if I don’t have, or deserve, a voice
  • Wishing I could just disappear
  • Feeling vulnerable
  • Feeling very needy – and perhaps too needy, compared to other people
  • Feeling like I always disappoint myself and others.

The “shame bound” person is constantly struggling against these persistent and negative feelings. They are triggered easily, and by innocuous triggers, such as being overlooked or contradicted by a friend. This can then result in a powerful “shame attack” that is so intense that we’re completely paralysed, and overwhelmed, by a sense of worthlessness. These feelings can persist for days, for weeks or even months.

Insights into Self-loathing

onlinecounsellingcollege:

Self-loathing, also known as “autophobia” or self-hatred”, is a thought pattern where individuals believe they are inferior, bad, worthless, unlovable, or incompetent. It is associated with low self-esteem and low self worth. Other symptoms of self-loathing include chemical dependency, alcohol & drug abuse, self-harm, self-destructive promiscuity, fits of rage and dissociation.

Self-loathing is one of the central characteristics of people who suffer from Avoidant Personality Disorder. It is also common in those diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder. Self-loathing is common among people who grew up in an unsupportive family environment where there was child abuse, neglect, emotional trauma or chronic criticism.

It can be something that appears from time to time, or it may be suddenly triggered by disappointments, struggles, painful memories or anxiety about the future. These triggers can create an overwhelming flood of feelings of hopelessness, worthlessness and powerlessness - which can lead to self-destructive behaviors, emotional withdrawal or aggressive behaviors.

Examples of statements indicating self-loathing include:

- “Nobody loves me”

- “Things will never get any better.”

- “I’m useless. I always screw everything up.”

- “He/she could never really love the real me.”

Source: http://outofthefog.net/CommonBehaviors/SelfLoathing.html (adapted)

suarezalex:

okay seriously if you’re in a relationship or even a friendship and you find yourself spending more time crying out of sadness or arguing with them, leave them. i don’t care if they’re a modern day aphrodite/adonis or a gift bestowed upon you by the gods. toxic people are dangerous and i highly advise cutting them out of your life and finding someone who makes you laugh until you snort your drink out your nose instead.

(Source: suarezalex)

sketchinetch:

cremebuns:

emeralddragoness:

cremebuns:

A man just walked past me and said “excuse me, but you look very nice tonight darlin” I said thank you and he said you’re welcome and walked off. And that is how you compliment a woman without harassing them

No, that is still unsolicited, and thus, harassment. No amount of “darlins” is gonna make me not want to punch your ass for coming on to me without provocation.

GOD

SHUT UP

UR SO STUPID

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[x]

(Source: mrssaberhagen)

edens-blog:

beben-eleben:

Jim Dingilian proves that a creative and skillful artist can create works of art with just about anything. By coating the interior of empty glass bottles with black smoke and then carefully brushing it away with tools mounted on dowels, he creates detailed and beautiful but dark works of smoke art that are dripping with a sense of suburban decay (via Bored Panda).

are you shitting me

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